baby, interrupted

It was exactly 2 months after we found out for the fifth time that we lost our baby, and 3 months ago today when I found a lump in my left breast. Within 8 days I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer, a devastating blow to me and my […] Read More

holidays + the alternate timeline

I never thought about the alternate timeline very deeply until I stumbled, blindsided, into my first holiday season post-loss. I would acknowledge to myself now and then, “I should be X weeks pregnant right now…” which wasn’t ever easy to think about, but the alternate timeline has a much more […] Read More

existing after miscarriage

One thing I’ve learned after 5 miscarriages is that before you can begin to navigate the world through a lens of intense grief, you have to figure out how to exist in it. The saddest moments I’ve had in the midst of my losses were thinking I couldn’t go on. […] Read More

the first time: just bad luck

I saw blood on the toilet paper at 5 weeks 6 days, in the bathroom at work. I felt my body go nearly lifeless like I could pass out any second. Knowing what I had learned from my fertility and pregnancy “night school” as my husband called it, I frantically […] Read More

an introduction

I wish I wasn’t writing this. I’d always thought about documenting in full my experiences with miscarriage. Certainly after the first, I was aching to talk about it to anyone willing to listen. I was grateful for any ear I had an invitation to pour my pain into, any shoulder […] Read More